I grew up attending church. That’s just how most families in the South raise their kids. Cause, hello. It’s called the Bible Belt for a reason.
So yea. I was taught to believe in God and Jesus and knowing what was good or bad and right or wrong. I grew up knowing about sin and forgiveness. I was saved when I was in middle school. And even now, I still believe in that stuff. For the most part.
But see, here’s the thing. Sometimes I think that I’m a really bad Christian. Like, just terrible. Because I’m not solid in my faith — Here I am, nearly 30, and I struggle with my faith constantly.
Like I said — I grew up attending church. There was never any question about whether God existed or if Jesus was real. The belief was there and the faith was there, and it just was.
But the older I got, the more torn I became. I got to know myself better (because let’s be real, we don’t really know ourselves very well when we’re young). And what I started finding was that there were a lot of things I believe in that do not mesh with my Christian upbringing. At all. In fact, they stood in stark contrast to each other.
And how can I be a good Christian, a true Christian, if I have other beliefs that are so different from what you learn about in church?
So I shied away from attending church, because I could never find a place where I felt like I “fit in.” And I didn’t share the Gospel, because how could I share this belief when I was struggling with it so much myself?
And then there have been the times when I considered exploring other faiths and religions and teachings. But that’s even harder for me to process than struggling with my own faith. Because what if I feel like I do “fit” with one of those? Am I supposed to just throw away my belief in God and Jesus? I can’t do that. They’re part of what I believe and part of who I am.
Instead, I struggle. In silence. Because let’s be honest, admitting we’re not positive of what we believe isn’t something most people do. Especially here in the South where religion is still the driving force behind so many things.
But then I read Cassie’s post the other day about how she doesn’t believe in the Devil, and I commented saying that one of the reasons I don’t share is because I struggle. And her response was that was exactly why I SHOULD share, because people could probably relate and benefit from it. And that’s what got me thinking on this blog series.
So that’s where I’m at. I struggle. And in this upcoming series, I will spend time discussing various beliefs I hold and how they don’t exactly fit with my religious beliefs. My original plan for today’s post was actually to discuss one set of these clashing beliefs. But then I realized I had more than one, and I should probably turn it into a series and give my readers and introduction (aka, a heads up about the potential for controversy) to the series.
But yea. Hopefully, maybe, somewhere along the way, I’ll be able to sort it all out.
What about you? Where do you stand? Are you solid in your faith and beliefs? Do you have things you believe in that contracts other things you believe? Do you struggle with your faith for other reasons? Have you never been introduced to Christianity at all, and now you’re curious? Regardless of which one is you, leave a comment below. I would love some open discussion about this!
Posts in this series: