The past couple of years have brought more health struggles than I ever could have imagined. What started with one health issue seemed to eventually lead to another, and then another. There have been countless appointments, ER visits, tests, scans, symptoms, and so many moments of wondering what was happening in my body.

One of the biggest chapters came when I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I eventually had my thyroid completely removed, and I have been learning what it means to live without a thyroid and rely on medication to replace what my body can no longer produce on its own. There have been the physical challenges of adjusting, along with the uncertainty and emotions that come with walking through life post cancer diagnosis. Any abnormal ache and pain bids the question…is there a recurrence? Has it spread?

And just when I felt like I was beginning to find my footing again, there were more things to navigate. Fatigue. Dizziness. Body aches. Anxiety. Constant panic attacks. Other symptoms that have been difficult to understand and even harder to explain. It has felt, at times, like my body has become a constant reminder that something is not quite right.

Then, on April 2nd, the painful stomach issues started.

I’ve had digestive issues for years, mainly acid reflux, but these jabbing, gnawing pains mixed with waves of nausea have been much worse. I’ve tried to explain it as best I can to a few close friends. It’s almost like trying to smile and show “joy” while having a knife dug into your arm. Practically impossible!

By that point, it felt like this was simply one more thing piled onto an already difficult season. I found myself in a stretch of deep weariness. The days seemed unrelenting, filled with stomach aches and nausea. I sighed and prayed that I would be able to finish that particular day with the strength only the Lord could give me.

I finished the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen while Jake helped Eleanor with her bedtime bath, which is our usual routine. Jake helps with baths and does much of the hands on care with Eleanor to ease my dizziness and nausea while I run around trying to tidy up and finish the end of day tasks. Eleanor has adapted to this little routine of ours.

It is guaranteed that after her bath, she will run down the hallway, across the living room, and into the kitchen. Her damp hair is combed over, her eyes are sparkling, and her soft cheeks are clean and fresh. She smiles as she asks me for her favorite nighttime snack.. a cup of cold milk.

It always makes me smile along with her because I know she doesn’t just ask for it. She expects it! And it brings me so much joy to give her that little, simple bedtime delight.

On this particularly weary evening, as we went through our familiar bath and milk routine, the Lord gently and kindly nudged my heart to remember something.

Just as it delights me to give Eleanor what she needs, even something as simple as a cup of cold milk, this is a picture of the tender love and care of my Father for me.

It delights Him to give me not only what I desire, when those desires are in alignment with His will, but also what I need. He delights in caring for me, ever so tenderly.

Even in the things I cannot see right now.

The Lord, in His kindness, is perfectly laying out my circumstances for His grand purposes, in ways that will ultimately be for my good and for His glory.

So when I think about the joy I feel handing Eleanor a cup of cold milk after her bath, I remember:

“If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!”

Matthew 7:11

Just like Eleanor comes running into the kitchen expecting her cup of cold milk, may I come running to my Father with that same childlike confidence. Not expecting that He will give me everything I ask for, but expecting that He will give me what is good. What is needed. What is best. Because He is a good Father, and He delights in caring for His children.